This Group Sucks! I Demand to Join!

Among the seemingly 101 projects I run or participate in to service the creative professional community, I moderate the Yahoo! Groups “Graphic Designers Resource Group,” which is the largest member-driven mailing list of and for graphic communication professionals, students, and serious hobbyists. The five year old group includes members from over forty countries, and is currently 1,300 members strong.

Every day the GDRG receives between six and fifteen applications for membership. As with most public mailing lists and forums, the GDRG some time ago was forced by the proliferation of spammers to adopt a policy of approving applications for membership instead of automatically granting it. The process is simple: Using an online form, a prospective member fills in her name and e-mail address, and then writes a succinct explanation of why she would like to join the GDRG. This last is one way I weed out the growing number of opportunistic low-lifes who perceive a list of 1,300 active e-mail addresses as a gold mine for their borderline-legal activities.

While most applicants answer the question “why do you want to join” with a friendly or serious summary of their experiences, goals, or what they offer to the GDRG membership, some responses are rather comical–either because of their exuberance or their lack of tact. As I sorted through this morning’s batch of applications, I thought I would share some of the more amusing recent reasons for joining. The following are genuine reasons given by people who asked to join the Graphic Designers Resource Group. With the exception of a few changes offset in brackets to protect the anonymity of their authors or the sensibilities of this article’s readers, the responses below are reprinted verbatim.

“[...]I am the best gay designer in Greece.”

“I’m going to spam you. You can’t stop me.”

“I run a mail order business and I need to hire graphic designers.”

“This group sucks!”

“Pariah S. Burke sucks!”

“[F**k] you if you not let me join and send e-mail to list.”

“Can I send my marketing message about natural male enhancement pills to your members?”

“There is an urgent error with your PayPal account. You must to fix it immediately or risk identity theft. Send your username and password to [...]” It might be worth noting that applications to join the GDRG–including this one–are submitted through Yahoo! Groups’ standard online form; they do not come in via e-mail.

“Let me in!”

“Let me in or yuo will be sowry!”

“I live to design. Please let me join this group. I will do anything to get in. ANYTHING!”

“I’m a frustrated, lonely freelance designer (logos, letterhead, websites, that kind of stuff). It feels like I’m out here alone, and like I’m the only one doing this work. Then I found this group. Are there really a thousand people like me? If so, please, please let me join. I need information and comraderie. I need to know I’m not alone.”

“I am hot 18 year coed. Me and my hot roommates want to talk about GRAPHIC DESIGNERS RESOURCE GROUP”

“hi” These are numerous.

“Just looking for the right partner for a new online venture called[...]”

“nice groop is this”

“i like group let me in”

“I demand membership now!”

“I need a Photoshop serial number.”

“Please send me serial number for Adobe InDesign CS.”

“I have lost my Photoshop serial number and really need someone to lend me theirs. Please! I have a deadline and an angry client!”

“Let me show you and your members how to get Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator and InDesign for free!”

“Let’s trade fonts!”

“Looking for good quality major name fonts to download.”

“Font’s anyone?”

“Help me get a free XBox 360. Just visit [URL to scam site] and buy magazine subscription”

“My cousin is dying from cancer. I need to ask your members for donations to for him to have an operation.”

“I need your help desperetely. One of my clients in the USA died leaving his entire estate worth $6.2 bn to no one[... truncated for brevity. --Ed.]”

“You like hot young [p**sy]? Let me in. I get you some.”

“I am 16 years old. I want to join your group because I want to ask questions and learn about graphic design. If I don’t become a graphic designer I will become an accountant.”

“Live to design. Design to live.”

“I am the best designer in the whole world. No one is better than me. You can see my work at[...]” Many applicants provide a URL to their online portfolios, which virtually guarantees them entry to the group. Talent and skill are not judged, just whether they appear to be, or appear to aspire to be, designers.

“Visit my website at [URL to pornographic Website]”

“I will not talk to women. Grphic design is not for women. Are women in group?”

“I not afriad of you. You can not keep my out.”

“Let me join asshole”

“Let me in you fascist pig!”

“If you let me I promise to be good”

“I should be in here”

“I NEED TO GET IN”

“Let me in this life or death”

“is important”

“I to be better person in group.”

“Do yourself a favor and let me in.”

“Let me in or I will find you and rape and kill your whole [f**king] family [motherf**ker]!!!!!”

“Since I was a child I loved drawing and design. It is my calling and my destiny. I am currently in college (graduating in three months with an Associates in graphic design). Graphic design is all that I am. I want, nay, I need to connect with my peers (my people).”

“I read all your sites and I think you’re H-O-T!”

“There’s an important message I MUST convey to your members!”

“If you let me in I will spam your list.”

“If you grant me join I will not spam you.”

“I have an incredible job opportunity for the right graphic designer. I’d like to tell you and your members about it.”

“Get your .info domain name for only $14.95! Hurry!”

“I read your statement that said job postings are not welcome. That’s a totally bullshit policy. How are your members supposed to get work from businesses like mine?” The group’s home page states clearly: “Job postings and commercial solicitations are not welcomed.” In the rejected application notification letter are included URLs to classified and job-posting sites frequented by GDRG members.

“My friend PARIAH S. BURKE say I can come in.” I had never heard of the person.

“I am looking for Webmasters that would be interested in doing a JV [Joint Venture] with me as I own the Master Resale Rights, and some Source Codes, to CURRENT Software, and E-Books, and Niche Stuff.”
Translation: I want to find suckers with U.S.-based .COM domains willing to risk federal prosecution to shill for me in distributing pirated software and e-books (”current software”) and cracks (”Source Codes”) to current commercial software (aka “warez”).

“I need to ask how to change my driver licenses birth date”

“How do I put Lindsay Lohan’s face on somebody else’s body?”

“Will you show me to make pictures of Paris Hilton [in an obscene pose with] Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan? I have downloaded Photoshop CS1.”

“Do you guys Photoshop the Olsen Twins?”

Some of the above applications were granted membership, some rejected. Care to guess which were approved?

If you would like to entertain me with your reasons for joining the Graphic Designers Resource Group, apply for membership.